Hi Bonny, I’ve been thinking about this piece, specifically about your question about spaces where lightness and seriousness coexist. And I started thinking about the concept of ‘gallows humour’, ie when people are stuck in an awful situation and decide to joke about it (I’ve been a teacher and there was plenty of this). So I started thinking about whether the coexistence of dark and light is a necessity (and therefore very common) rather than being exceptional. Where there is darkness, human beings have an admirable tendency to crack jokes just to (a) help them get through but also (b) to connect with others going through something similar (humour is very connecting, it’s hard to laugh with someone and NOT like them).
Then I started to think that maybe darkness leads to light but maybe it doesn’t work the other way around. But, of course, lightness relaxes people into feeling like they CAN share. Sharing a joke makes a space safer so that you feel able to go deeper. And jokes are often based on quite nuanced shared values, so they connect people on many levels. Your piece isn’t just about laughter tho, you mention small talk. Small talk has a bit of a bad reputation but I think people miss the fact that small talk is often a necessary preamble to a deeper conversation that would otherwise be hard to dive immediately into. My father used to say ‘everyone has something to teach you, it’s your job to find out what that is’, consequently I often find myself having interesting conversations with uber drivers, who always teach me something valuable, but they usually start with me asking something innocuous like ‘are you having a busy night?’ Small talk builds trust. Humour does the same. Then people can feel able to be vulnerable and go deeper or darker. Light and dark are inextricably linked, I think, and, as you suggest, the best conversations have both.
🙏 Reading this, the movement of a turning wheel came to mind. The cycle of the year (and each day) moves through dark and light, over and over again.
But then I also thought of the movement of starlings or fish… murmurations and shoals. Maybe these fluid, organic movements better illustrate the way conversations unfold.
I really like your father’s comment on talking to people. It puts the onus on the listener to have an open mind and ask the right questions. Something we can all take responsibility for.
And gallows humour is a great example of extreme darkness coinciding with extreme lightness. I agree that there is more need for lightness when the darkness is very dark. More need for a candle when it is pitch black than when it is just dusk.
Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to both light and dark, and surface and deep, conversations with you 😊
Hi Bonny, I’ve been thinking about this piece, specifically about your question about spaces where lightness and seriousness coexist. And I started thinking about the concept of ‘gallows humour’, ie when people are stuck in an awful situation and decide to joke about it (I’ve been a teacher and there was plenty of this). So I started thinking about whether the coexistence of dark and light is a necessity (and therefore very common) rather than being exceptional. Where there is darkness, human beings have an admirable tendency to crack jokes just to (a) help them get through but also (b) to connect with others going through something similar (humour is very connecting, it’s hard to laugh with someone and NOT like them).
Then I started to think that maybe darkness leads to light but maybe it doesn’t work the other way around. But, of course, lightness relaxes people into feeling like they CAN share. Sharing a joke makes a space safer so that you feel able to go deeper. And jokes are often based on quite nuanced shared values, so they connect people on many levels. Your piece isn’t just about laughter tho, you mention small talk. Small talk has a bit of a bad reputation but I think people miss the fact that small talk is often a necessary preamble to a deeper conversation that would otherwise be hard to dive immediately into. My father used to say ‘everyone has something to teach you, it’s your job to find out what that is’, consequently I often find myself having interesting conversations with uber drivers, who always teach me something valuable, but they usually start with me asking something innocuous like ‘are you having a busy night?’ Small talk builds trust. Humour does the same. Then people can feel able to be vulnerable and go deeper or darker. Light and dark are inextricably linked, I think, and, as you suggest, the best conversations have both.
🙏 Reading this, the movement of a turning wheel came to mind. The cycle of the year (and each day) moves through dark and light, over and over again.
But then I also thought of the movement of starlings or fish… murmurations and shoals. Maybe these fluid, organic movements better illustrate the way conversations unfold.
I really like your father’s comment on talking to people. It puts the onus on the listener to have an open mind and ask the right questions. Something we can all take responsibility for.
And gallows humour is a great example of extreme darkness coinciding with extreme lightness. I agree that there is more need for lightness when the darkness is very dark. More need for a candle when it is pitch black than when it is just dusk.
Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to both light and dark, and surface and deep, conversations with you 😊