It worked!
We hung out, and that was enough
I had many qualms before Friday night’s new events: WRITE CLUB and HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK
The first time hosting any event is full of unknowns:
Will the venue work?
Will people sign up?
If they have signed up, will they show up?
If loads of people have signed up (like the 100+ on Friday), will we fit?
What will the venue staff think?
Will the directions to the event location make sense?
How will people find me once they arrive?
Will the event itself make sense to people?
And, most fundamentally, will people enjoy it?
I am happy to report that this time, it all worked out.
Despite mild panic upon arrival, when I discovered that a very busy graduation ceremony was in progress at The Southbank Centre, the venue was perfect.
Staff assured me that the graduation was nearly over. Tables became free just as people arrived for the meetup. My plan to be easily identifiable by wearing this home creation worked:
Lots and lots of people showed up. Once we hit around forty, the security guards did a couple of walk-bys, but presumably decided we looked harmless. By 7pm, we had the run of the Festival Bar & Kitchen and it felt like a cocktail party in a snazzy venue by the river.
Rewinding a bit to the first event:
WRITE CLUB involved 1 hour of silent writing or reading in the company of others.
People arrived, got their journals/laptops/books out and got stuck in.
To me, this hour felt like being cheered on in my work by gentle, studious friends. It was strangely intimate to sit together in silence, for a significant period of time. I benefitted from my neighbours’ focus. I felt both inspired and reassured by their presence.
As the hour drew to a close, new people started arriving for the second event:
HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK, which consisted of no structure whatsoever.
In the event description, I gave the following definition of hanging out from Sheila Liming’s 2023 book (which you can read a lot more about here):
Hanging out is about “daring to do nothing much, and even more than that, about daring to do it in the company of others.” (Liming, 2023, p. x)
As a host (and seasoned group facilitator), this lack of structure was somewhat unsettling. I had nothing to do except say hello to people and welcome them into the crowd. I wondered whether this was enough. I wondered what they would all talk about. Would they feel disappointed by the lack of structure? Would they know what to do? What were they supposed to be doing anyway? Oh yeah, hanging out.
I had to remind myself that this unstructuredness was the whole point of the evening and it was ok to let people work it out for themselves.
And then I relaxed and joined in, and had some excellent conversations. People drifted in and out of groups, and conversations shifted fluidly from topic to topic.
The event may have looked a bit like a cocktail party, but we went much deeper than the usual small talk. I wonder if this was partly due to the presence of lots of people from the THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS community, who are used to getting straight into meaningful conversation.
In my little, ever-changing groups, we talked about:
Anger and what might be underneath it for different people
Crafting and the way it can facilitate good conversations because it fixes you to your chair and slows you down, without taking up too much mental energy
Art and its role in different societies
Depression and different ways of making sense of it
Introversion vs Extroversion and various nuances to the binary
I left feeling both energised and exhausted (which perfectly illustrated that last conversation about introversion/extroversion). I also felt full of ideas and excited for the next iteration of these events.
As I walked across the bridge towards Embankment, taking in the glittering city lights reflected in the Thames and the sound of a solitary saxophonist, I reflected on the evening. I had a great time, but did anyone else?
Last week, I made the following hypothesis about the event in this piece:
“HYPOTHESIS 1: The first event might feel a little underwhelming compared to my other, more structured events”
I think I was wrong!
This was the feedback I received in the hours afterwards:
“A great success, I would say! Still about 20 people there when I left at 9pm”
“I had such a good time and wanted to thank you 🩷 Initially there was an overwhelming number of people, so I sat in a small group of four away from the crowd. I met two people who are wonderful and introspective. Then after 7:30 pm it became quieter and I joined another person I know from TEiP and their friend and we had such deep conversations about memory and the human mind and even dancing and dating. Honestly I hadn’t expected to like the hangout format, but I think I do, if I pace out my social interactions within the format.”
“What a wonderful evening! Bonny has built a real community around all the Meetups she hosts. Lively, lovely and diverse group of people. Great discussion and lots of laughter.”
“Had a fabulous time!”
“I did not know what to expect. I got to hang out with some really fun, interesting, warm people for a couple of hours. Big thanks to Bonny for making this possible x”
“Another lovely event - next time I’ll be on time to get some writing done!”
Needless to say, these messages were very reassuring and uplifting.
It seems that Liming was right about HANGING OUT. Humans love it, and maybe even need it.
This sentiment was reinforced by several hangers out from Friday night joining us at the crack of dawn the following morning for THE SUNRISE CLUB and more hanging out in the cafe afterwards.
The second hypothesis I made in last week’s piece was:
HYPOTHESIS 2: If we repeat these events - at the same time and place, somewhat regularly - then, over time, people will find them increasingly fulfilling as connections are made, conversations develop, and participants become ‘regulars’.
I feel more confident about this one!
If you’d like to join us for the repetitions, here are the next iterations of each:
And if you’d like to receive future newsletters and reflections, you can subscribe here:
Thank you so much to everyone who showed up and hung out. It was very heartening to see you all.
This is brilliant honestly. I ran a small meetup last year and kept worring about having 'enough structure' when really ppl just wanted space to be together. The paradox of planning to be unstructured is kinda wild tbh, like trusting forty people to just hang feels counter-intuitive as a facilitator. Turns out doing less is actully the hardest move.